Hello everyone!
My apologies for “disappearing” for some time. The month of Nov was one that I will never forget. It was so busy because my dad was admitted into hospital due to a massive heart attack which was something my family never expected. And my dad was recently called back to Heaven after a few weeks of staying strong and spending a lot of quality time with us. On top of that, I had filming and shoots to go to, so every single time I had I was by my dad’s side in hospital.
This is the first time I’ve ever seen my dad in hospital and I never expected it to be the last. It was a real shock for me to see him like that because he’s always been a strong man and full of zest in life. He always had a fire in him which made him the way he was. I must admit that the relationship with my dad was never the close kind where we would hug or say “I love U” to, but we would show each other our love in our own way. He was always protective over me as I’m his only daughter and made sure I ate, he would want to drive me around when I had to go somewhere even though I wanted to be independent and do it myself, he would call me when he’s overseas with my mum to ask if I’d want anything or ask when I’m free to go out for a family meal. He’s the best dad I could ever ask for. He supported all my decisions even though he might not approve of it i.e. joining SIA as a stewardess, joining Miss Singapore Universe, acting… guess he wanted me to be a doctor or lawyer but I wanted to follow my passions. I guess I’ve always wanted my dad to be proud of me in my own way and I was so excited that my very 1st 8 days cover was coming out on Monday and was telling my dad about it last week when he was discharged from hospital. But my dad never got to see it…
I still remember those days when my brothers and I were all still in school and every Saturday was a family outing where we would go somewhere nice to eat, shop in Supermarkets, drive to JB and just hung out as a family. My dad had always wanted to provide the best quality of living for us, especially his children. No matter how hard times were or how difficult it is to obtain something my dad would try his best to get the things we wanted growing up. That was why since young, I never told my parents what I really wanted. Even though I like My Lil Ponies or Care Bears, I never asked them to buy it for me cos I somehow knew that it’s not easy spending on your kids. There was a lot of things i liked and wanted when I was younger but I hardly voiced them out even till now. I really wanted to go for the foreign exchange programme in NUS but never applied for it because I knew it will be a huge financial burden for my parents and my parents were not earning a lot then. Because when my elder brother went in his year my mum told me how much they had to spend to send him for the exchange programme and how they had to get money for it so that my brother could go. That’s how much my dad loves us.
And I guess my love for pink has been instilled in by my dad. Being the traditional parent where girls must like pink and boys must like blue, my whole bedroom was pink from the walls to the bed to the cupboards. And up till today I still love the colour and always will. There’s so many things that I can pen down what I will miss about Dad and everything brings a tear to my eye.
I really want to say sorry to my dad that I was not able to say goodbye when he passed on, I arrived too late, I guess U were holding on for me because when I reached by your side, you left us that very minute. I’m sorry that I’m only saying I love U to you now when you’re in Heaven. We will take good care of Mum and I will promise you that we will be a closer family again. It is only now that I realise how fragile Life is and how we always take things for granted. Thank you daddy for bringing all of us up and loving us the way U did.You will always be in our hearts…
Missing you always,
Jessica
Jessica's Blog 
Jessica,
Sorry to hear hear about the loss of your father.
I want to share my heartfelt condolences with you.
Let his soul rest in peace in God’s heaven.
Have courage to face the situations & we (your friends) are all with you in sharing yr irrepairable loss, which no words can fill in.
Regards
Hanafi Ahmad
Thank you for your heartfelt words Hanafi… Means a lot to me. 🙂
Jessica
My deepest condolences to u and your family! Thank God that your dad is now in Heaven and it is a much better place cos He is there.
My dad passed away 20 years ago and he too, died from a heart attack. He never made it to the hospital and I had to rush from the army camp to the place where he was but I never got to say goodbye.
He was not someone to express his love verbally but I realised much later that he loved me lots. Take time to grieve k? Don’t try to hide your grief by working and working.
Here is the verse that carried me through the tough days:
God is our refuge and strength
A very present help in trouble
Therefore we will not fear
Psalm 46
I always use this experience to tell my pupils to appreciate their loved ones and not take them for granted. Tell their parents that they love them and so on…….
Will keep you in my prayers!
God bless ya!
P/S In reply to one of your replies, my wife and I did not make it to the car boot sale. Was so busy at the friend’s wedding. Will definitely try to make it (with a car lot) for the next one …or any other flea marts.
*hugs*
Hi Jess,
I just read your entry, Im really sorry to hear abt your dad’s passing. I also want to apologize if I sounded rather harsh at Big Splash ytd. Im praying for you and your family to stay strong spiritually and emotionally during this time of loss.
Tanat
P.S. I didnt know ur the only girl in the family.
Hi Jess,
I am a regular reader of your blog and I have always admired how you always look at the bright side of things and flash us your wonderful smile. :). I am sure you will continue to do so and please do not feel sorry because everyone including your dad knows that you did your best and that is all that matters. We cannot control how things turn out but we can certainly control our response to them. Your dad definitely does not want you to be filled with even one once of regret. We will be looking forward to your next posts with your megawatt smiles again!
hey the 8 days cover you are talking about is which issue .i am sure your dad is watching over you and your family in heaven just like my grandma .
Hey Jess, I just happen to visit your blog to see how you’re doing. I’m really sorry to hear about your dad. Can’t even imagine how you must be feeling. We’ll keep your family in our prayers. Take care.
Jill
Hey babe, I heard and I’m sorry to hear. Deepest condolences once again, sorry I didn’t make it down as I wasn’t well. Take care x
Jess
Stay strong..
My deepest condolences with you….
Hi Alvin, it’s surprising how many people has had similar experiences and can identify what we went through… A friend of mine told me that when a loved one passes on without saying goodbye is because he/she loves you too much and it’s just too hard to say goodbye. It happened for my dad. He was seemingly very normal n doing fine, so my brother & mum decided to leave the hospital for a short while to go off for dinner. My dad even said “Sure, go ahead” to my mum. And he passed on only when they left… so it was a big shock! I wanted to head down to the hospital in the evening after filming but my mum told me to come the next day & let my dad rest more… But…
I’ve been seeing my dad quite often in my dreams ever since, and I know he’s happy. So that’s all that matters. Thanks for your encouragement!
Hi Tanat, don’t worry… no offence taken! Thanks for your prayers & encouragement.
Yup, I’m the only girl… that’s why I’ve always been quite “boy-ish” when I was a kid. Likes things like transformers, mask, etc… 🙂
Hi Joey, I will start posting up more pictures soon! Thanks for your support & encouragement! 🙂 I’ll keep on smiling…
Hi Shiyun, my 8 Days cover is last week’s issue the one with Celest Chong & Sheila Sim. Will scan the cover soon & post it up here. Yes, I’m sure my dad is watching over my whole family like a guardian angel, just like your grandma!
Hey Jill! It’s not easy accepting the loss of a loved one, but it will heal over time. Thanks for keeping us in your prayers. BTW, how’s your baby? Must have grown quite a bit!
Hey! Thanks for your well wishes… hope you’re feeling better? Take care & seeya soon! 🙂
Thank you Alfred! 🙂
Hey Jess
I have never seen it that way…that when loved ones leave without saying goodbye is cos they find it too difficult to leave. Wow! I like that!
Strangely so….I dun see my loved ones who have passed on, in my dreams. Or maybe it’s cos i dun remember my dreams…..
Anyway, thank you for the new insight….God bless ya!
Hello,
though you were unable to be by your dad’s side when he passed on, i’m sure that he knew in his heart that you were there, though not physically. hope things will be better for you, and take good care of yourself! 🙂
hi dear..
sorry to hear abt the news, my deepest condolences. Having our loved ones leave us is always the most painful, hope time will heal the pain. Just remember, this parting is only temporal..you’ll meet him again in heaven, where there’s no pain, no suffering. Safe in the arms of his ever loving father.
*hugs*
xoxo
Hi Jess, do look on the bright side, you n your brothers are already very fortunate to spend plenty of quality time with your dad. My maternal grandfather passed away when my mum had barely started schooling, and it was really tough for my maternal grandma to singlehandedly raise my mum and my 2 uncles (both whom are no longer around, sadly). It is love that will heal all kind of wounds, be it physically or psychologically.
Ha, another fan of MASK! I was a collector of MASK toys (only some of them), I still got the figurines, but only 3 vehicles in good condition… the rest either damaged or sold away. I more into WWE and Marvel
Hi Jessica,
I’m really sorry to hear about your dad. I’ll bet that amongst one of his greatest achievements was to have brought an amazing and wonderful lady into this world. Glad to see that you’ve been strong for him all this while. Hope all’s fine for you and do take care. God bless!
Bris Lim
Hey girl,
I’m Serene, your JC classmate.. remember?? I’ve been reading your blog… Sorry to find out about your dad… I believe he is now in heavens with God… and God will take great care of him while he watches over you and your family… I’ll keep him in my prayer… Hugzzz…
Hey its me,
I am sooo sad to hear about this. I am far away from my family for more than a year already. I know how it feels to miss your family so much. You just brought tears to my eyes. Nothing i say, would seem right or make you feel better. I really really hope you be strong and spend more time with ur mum. I’m sure your dad is proud of you because you will be very successful, loved and beautiful for the rest of your life.
You must take care,
shirley in nsw
Hey babe! How have U been? Have not seen U since u left flying! Thanks for your well wishes… my family is doing better now. Thanks for praying for us I’m sure it’s helping us in some way or other! Hugz!
Hey Bris, thanks for your well wishes… what you said is right. Do U know only after my dad passed away that I realised how proud he was of me & my brothers! When his friends came to his wake they all say the same thing ” We heard a lot about U and now we finally get to meet U in person!” Guess my dad was not one to show his love and his pride to us but he did show it to others… 🙂
Thanks Phoebe! *hugX* Still miss my dad but he’ll live in our hearts forever…
Hi babe,
Yeah, i am running a small health food biz in sydney. I havent been in singapore since i left sq and that was more than a year ago too. In this year, you went from a little stewardess eating popiah with me in the canteen , into a diva. I’m proud of you babe. I would only be back in singapore in april next year. Hopefully, i be able to catch up with you in town and i want to see a more radiant you then. I will pray for you.
luv, shirley
Hi Jessica! Hope those comments I made through facebook’s e-mail help to lighten you up. Again, stay strong wherever you’re. Take care, and see ya….